Omg. Okay, so I totally need to get this out of my system, and it’s really gross… I’m probably going to get unfollowed by anyone who read it, but I don’t care cause it’s my blog and I’ll do what I want.
So, I feel like shit. Complete utter shit. I’ve felt like shit— For like a whole week straight. I’m tired from feeling like shit, and I’m exhausted.
It’s weird though, because at first.. It’s kinda cool. I get super horny, and super sensitive every where. When my nipple feels a breeze I basically have a cum puddle in my panties, but then… It slowly starts to happen! I cry… And it’s not a legit cry. I get weird mood-swings, and I’m over-emotional. For example, I’ll be talking to my ex, and then I’ll feel really, really fucking happy!Omg we’ve been talking for so long, and I feel so comfortable talking to him. He’s a good friend…. Omg… I have a really good friend :’) I like omg I can’t believe how long we’ve known eachother :”’)I don’t even know how it happens, but then I’m hysterically crying.
That’s just the start. After that, it’s every. single. day. I’ve cried every day for five days straight. And then I get mad.Fuck, I’m so fucking mad right now I can’t even fucking think straight!! You need to do something to distract yourself from this anger.But I’m soooo fucking angry, I have no motivation to do anything! Then, that makes me mad, and suddenly I’m this raging fucking lunatic breathing like a douchebag. Inhale…. Exhale… Inhale… Exhale… I do that for awhile, and it is kinda calming, but it doesn’t help! The only thing I can think to do is react with my anger, and do something stupid.
I don’t know if the anger or the crying is worse. I get hysterical. I’m such an ugly crier, if I saw myself cry, and I wasn’t me I’d slap myself. Anyway, being sad, is kinda the same process. I just get extremely sad and it’s hard to turn around from when that happens. It’s a hole, and it continues to grow and I can’t dig my way out. I cry until my eyes hurt, and are swollen. My head hurts, too. Then my body is tired, and my brain is exhausted. I can’t think. I’m too tired to do anything. I don’t even feel like drawing/painting at this point. I’m exhausted from being so fucking tired.
Repeat this cycle like 10 times a day for five-seven days.
Well, and that sounds bad, right? But that’s not even the worse of it all. When Bloody Mary appears, I can instantly feel some sort of pain. Sometimes I don’t get cramps right away, but they just sneak up on you like a fucking ninja! POW. HERE YOU GO. BAM RIGHT IN THE KISSER. It’s difficult to describe the feeling but I will try. You know when you work out, and you haven’t worked out in a really long time? You get really sore, especially your joints, and such. It kinda feels like that mixed with getting jumped by a gang of troubled teens. I honestly feel like I’ve been punched in my vagina by Mike Tyson. Or, to kinda be funny Chuck Norris… But Wouldn’t I be dead if he punched me, or like.. Wouldn’t He scare the blood out of me or something? Idk. Anyway, It feels like I got punched in areas I didn’t know could feel pain or know that I had. My whole body hurts. My hands hurt, my fingers, my feet, my arms, that weird spot opposite of your elbow that doesn’t have a name hurts, My thighs hurt, but also that spot where my thigh meets with my pelvic area hurts, my feet, my fucking neck. My neck has been sore for like a week and half!!! Seriously the whole side would just cramp, and it’s not because I fucking slept weird or something.
Anyway, so I’m in pain—literally all over, but on top of that, I’m hungry, but I have no appetite, and it hurts to eat. My teeth hurt. But finally I eat, and then I can’t tell if I have cramps or I need to shit. Shitting suck, too! It hurts. I don’t want to get too graphic though lol.
But, you’re not a dumbass, right? If you’re in that much pain you’re going to take something for it! Midol, Ibuprofen, cocaine… I mean what. So you pop two, but the fuckers don’t kick in for hours! So while you’re sitting on your ass twirling your fingers, hating life (to put it mildly), you gotta wait for this shit to randomly kick in. In the meantime, you can’t tell if you need to shit or change your tampon.
The wait is horrible. I’m such a mental cluster-fuck by this point. I don’t want to do anything, but I’m hungry, irritated and bored. All I want to do is complain to people, but that’s annoying. So, in the end, I’m stuck by myself having a pity party while I hate the fact that I’m a woman and I wonder:Why me?Why do women have to go through this? It’s such a horrible experience, and men don’t have it as nearly as bad. Despite being raised in a religious family, that doesn’t give me enough clarity. Though, I do ponder on this. (If there is a god) Was he so hateful and angry towards women that he decided to put a woman through that? Is it just genetics, and I got just didn’t get lucky enough to have a penis?
Honestly, there have been times where I’m so envious of men. They honestly, have no idea what women go through. I can complain, and complain, and complain… I can go on to describe it, but talking about it never seems to do justice. So I keep talking, and complaining. Then, I’ve had idiots pull this card on me: “Yeah, but sometimes I get boner randomly in class, and that sucks.” Oh Boo Fucking Woo. You get a boner? Do you? I bet it’s so hard to concentrate when you have a boner! Well, you know what happens when I get horny?? It’s hard for me to concentrate, too! Then, I have this cum puddle in my panties—OOPS YOU DIDN”T WEAR UNDERWEAR TODAY!! NOW THERE’S A BIG SPOT ON YOUR PANTS AND YOU HAVE NO SWEATSHIRT OR JACKET AHAHHHAAHAHHHAA. Sometimes I think my body hates me. In addition, when a guy says that I really just wanna slap the shit out of him. PUNCH HIM IN HIS FACE. OH I’M SO SORRY!! DO YOU GET BONERS?? WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRADE??? I’ll trade my PSYCHO PRE-PERIOD SYNDROMES AND MY PERIOD FOR YOUR TINY LITTLE BONER. You know long that is?? Sometimes I pms for a week! then.. I have my period that’s what? 4-5 days? That’s almost two weeks of shitty fucking living right there. TWO WEEKS. AND IT HAPPENS EVERY. DAMN. MONTH. So, do the math: If there’s 52 weeks in a year… 2 weeks for every month and there’s 12 months that’s 24 weeks— that’s roughly a half of a year I’m feeling like shit. So, if I started my period in seventh grade (2003), and it’s 2012, that’s 108 different months of this mess, and 216 weeks, which comes to over 3000 days! (I don’t know if I did the math right, but it’s probably close so whatever). IM NOT EVEN HALF WAY WITH MY PERIOD LIFE YET… I HAVE THOUSANDS OF DAYS… HUNDREDS OF WEEKS LEFT OF THIS CRAP! MENOPAUSE—- Y U NO HERE YET?!?!?!
Okay, now that I’m over the math…. lets get back to the gross details.
Aside from the cramps, aches, and emotional instability, I get really really cold, but I’ll be so fucking sweaty. I’ll be bundled in my robe, pjs, and blanket, but my hands and feet are like icicles… BUT THEN WHY THE FUCK AM I SO DAMN SWEATY?? It doesn’t make sense. It feels like I’m on drugs. Holy fucking shit.I wish I was on drugs though, because everyone is either making me cry, or making me annoyed. I just want to punch everyone in the face.
Sometimes I can’t tell if the first day or second day is worse… On the first day you have all these crazy symptoms, but on the second day I’m leaking faster than Kim Kardashian’s Sex tape. Either way it sucks, and I still have cramps/feel like shit on the second, but they’re totally not AS bad.
Cramps suck. But what’s worse than cramps is the fact that there aren’t many things that cure cramps. Walking doesn’t help me, a bath doesn’t help… Alcohol doesn’t help. Which kinda makes sense because it thins people’s blood, but at the same time maybe getting buzzed might numb the pain and kinda cancel that out… But drinking is not appetizing. What does help? Well, I usually take a pill (midol or whatever), but there’s a down side to it. It takes SOOO long to kick in. I take about three 200 mg. pills, and it literally takes two hours to kick in. The other thing that helps: weed. Omg. Fuck yeah. Sometimes the pills don’t take away the pain and aches, just the cramps. So, despite being cramp-less, I’m still sore and tense. Sometimes the only that can cure that is a hit of Mary Jane. Which leads to random mumble jumble like this.
Sorry to anyone that read all of that lol.